Vulnerable

Have you ever felt your life was destroyed? Everyone certainly ever felt this, when we were left behind, when we are alone, when nobody cares for us.
It's vulnerable and frightful as I had nobody to depend on. 

Life, never was easy. Grow up, accept it.

“Only do not forget, if I wake up crying it's only because in my dream I'm a lost child
hunting through the leaves of the night for your hands....” ― Pablo Neruda

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Daydream

"But darling, I am a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

How am I supposed to love when I can't love myself?
I am vulnerable when it comes to love. I am pathetic when it comes to trust. I am still learning how to stop thinking that I am trapped in darkness.

Because you told me, you are the dark knight. But you don't have any shadow to carry you on.
Let me be the shadow to accompany you when you are trapped in the darkness.
Let me be the sun when the moon are tricking on you.
Let me inside your sorrow so I can feel how much pain you already sensed.

Just because,

“I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.” - Pablo Neruda

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Music

First thing that crossed my mind when I was falling in love with you is Music, dunno why.

I remembered your music taste is different with mine, and all of sudden... all of my playlist were filled with your favorite songs.

It's kinda cliche by doing "Listening to xxxx by xxx" in Path everytime I listened to your favorite song, but I just want you to know that "Hey, I'm into you!"

I stalked over and all over your Path's profile just to know what you listened, how's your feeling and et cetera.

Heck, it's kinda weird how I fall for you when we've known each other for three years, it's kinda weird that I didn't realize how my behavior is signs that I am already fall for you. WHILE OTHERS HAS KNOWN IT FOR A LONG TIME AGO. Now y u know how insensitive am I? Sigh.

Other people also knew that you always give me that-kind-of-attention but I hadn't realize it. Yeah, I am bad at catching code.

Okay, after all this cheesy things. I decided to youtube-ing old songs, I started to listen slow-rock music yet actually I have known this song for a loooong time ago but didn't know the title.

I started to know Avenged Sevenfold, Savage Garden, Iris, The Fray, and Death Cab for Cutie. 

Some of them still on my playlist until now, although I rarely listen them. Because somehow, I felt a slight of heartbreak everytime listen to them.

I didn't know I would do this, because no matter how I tried to be next to you, you always run away from me.

And it leaves me scars.

A small scars all over my heart.

No matter how I faced you with big smile, you always keep off your eyes from me.

I always wanted to ask you,

do I have to stay or to be lonely?

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”

- Victor Hugo 

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